good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
