I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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