:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
