my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
