just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
