i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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