I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
