So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
