I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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