it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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