Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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