You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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