i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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