I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
