I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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