ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
