You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
