Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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