When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
