So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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