This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
