Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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