hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
