I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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