I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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