She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
