You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Where is the hickey?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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