I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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