So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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