Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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