After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
