i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
