I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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