I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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