I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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