All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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