Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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