Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
