Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
