so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
