I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
