I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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