Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
