Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
