Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
wanna go halves on a baby?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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