I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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