Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
