I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
