The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
