I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
