Say something about gay babies.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
